Don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have — discipline is not just about punishment, but also about recognizing good behavior. For example, saying "I'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child who didn't share.
And be specific when giving praise rather than just saying "Good job! This makes them more likely to happen in the future — the more attention we give to a behavior, the more likely it is to continue. If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be seen before it is rewarded.
Post the chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and unacceptable behaviors every day. This will give your child and you a concrete look at how it's going.
Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem. Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age.
Pick a suitable timeout place, such as a chair or bottom step, that's free of distractions. Remember, getting sent to your room isn't effective if a computer, TV, or games are there. Also, a timeout is time away from any type of reinforcement. So your child shouldn't get any attention from you while in a timeout — including talking, eye contact, etc. Be sure to consider the length of time that will work best for your child.
Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down to teach self-regulation. Make sure that if a timeout happens because your child didn't follow directions, you follow through with the direction after the timeout.
It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor. Be sure to give clear, direct commands. Instead of "Could you please put your shoes on? Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say.
This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say. Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment "Slam that door and you'll never watch TV again! If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that.
The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day. Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away. It may help to set some goals that kids can meet to earn back privileges that were taken away for misbehavior.
Push the rewind button: When possible, give your child a second chance. And thank her when she gets it right, says Carson. If your eight-year-old is late for school because she had trouble getting up in the morning, make bedtime earlier the next few nights rather than revoking her TV privileges. The best consequences are the ones whereby your child learns something.
The result? A seismic power struggle. Backtalk: These are prime years for backtalk as tweens gain independence and want to see how you respond if they exert control, says Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
Explain your position, listen to his, and then compromise where you can. If your year-old wants to bump up his bedtime to 10 p. Whenever your tween uses a sassy tone or engages in yelling, name-calling, put-downs or insults , call her on it immediately, says Borba. Sit down with your teen in late August and hammer out the rules for the upcoming school year. Remember as well to build in more freedom and responsibility as your child grows. Stand firm. Pick your battles.
If you can do that, you can do no wrong. Set clear rules and expectations. Your preschooler's social skills are blossoming, and they struggle to balance their needs with those of others. They can focus more intently on games and activities—and because of this, making transitions can become especially difficult when they're having fun.
They may whine more intensely because they're better able to think about what they lack and want. A 3-year-old sometimes bends the truth to fit a private version of reality, but they don't understand that this—as well as cheating—is wrong. A 5-year-old grasps concrete consequences, and they're challenged to act according to their emerging sense of conscience.
They're learning to put themselves in someone else's shoes. A 5-year-old is mature enough to follow rules and do some chores , but they may push the limits to test you. They're establishing better though far from perfect impulse control. Not getting their way may lead to outbursts, door slamming, and even hitting. Your child's world is expanding, and they're learning to deal with new social and academic pressures. They show appropriate self-control in school—cooperating in groups and raising their hand rather than shouting—and generally act out less often.
They have difficulty waiting for long-term rewards and work best with frequent reinforcement. A 6- or 7-year-old wants to be treated more maturely because they're learning to handle new responsibilities, but they still need your help to reach their goals.
Children this age are learning about groups, social behavior, and where they fit in. They're old enough to follow through on expectations, though you'll see ups and downs as they become aware of how they stack up against their peers. They may swing from being cooperative to being difficult to motivate. They may also act preteenish—sensitive to comments and prone to back talk.
An 8- to year-old understands basic differences between right and wrong and looks to you for guidance and reinforcement. Sources: Michele Borba, Ed. Shapiro, Ph. I thought my husband and I were doing well disciplining our 8 year old and issuing appropriate consequences for his behavior We don't use corporal punishment Up until I viewed a webinar today, I thought we'd come up with the perfect consequence of taking away screen time.
Come to find out, even THAT shouldn't be used as a reward or consequence because it makes screen time "more desirable" as a result I'm at a loss!!! If their behavior can't be connected to a relatable consequence such as not doing their laundry if it's not in the basket, what can be done?! I don't want to raise an en[filtered]led child! By Leslie Lampert Updated October 13, Save Pin FB More.
Keep your expectations reasonable. Demonstrate proper behavior, but don't insist on it. Your tone of voice and facial expressions convey lessons best. Be firm yet positive, and don't overreact. Focus on prevention. Childproof your home , and put away breakables. If they grab an off-limits item, take it away.
Handle meltdowns by comforting and distracting. If your month-old struggles to stay in the car seat, for example, console them and say that you know they dislike being strapped in but they must do it. Put them in, then divert their attention. Minimize power struggles. State your expectations clearly, without yelling. Offer simple choices and don't over-estimate their abilities. If necessary, give them an incentive to cooperate. Realize that their job is to test you. Help them begin to master their feelings.
If they hit, teach them to use their words "I'm mad! Explain, "We don't hit" and "Hitting hurts.
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